8. Surrender

Lord, thank you for the gift of this day.
Please give me the grace
to live it according to your will.

The fundamental goal of this program is to consciously connect with God and allow ourselves to be transformed into the persons we were created to be.  This new person isn't a sanitized, more compliant version of our current selves, but a unique, loving, courageous, and joyful manifestation of God’s abundant vision for us.  We will never perfectly realize this vision here on earth, but we can choose to move toward it.

WE NEED HELP

If we could get there on our own we would probably be there by now.  Unfortunately, our shortcomings stubbornly persist in spite of our best efforts.  Take a minute to review your week - or maybe just your morning.  Can you name any moments when you were less courageous, kind or generous than you would have liked?  Me too.  (If you can't think of any shortcomings, that's a different conversation.)

In order to let God help us we need to be willing to let go of our habitual way of doing things. So often we act like a child running to her dad with a broken toy, frantically begging him to fix it.  Until she's willing to let go of the toy, to put it into his hands and let him work on it, the toy and her distress cannot be mended.  In order for things to change, we need to admit the chances that we are right and God is wrong are pretty darn slim.  We have to let go of our attempts to control; we need to get out of the way and let God go to work.

WHAT SURRENDER IS NOT - AND WHAT TRUE SURRENDER LOOKS LIKE

Many people stall out on letting go because they misunderstand the concept.  Surrender is not about becoming a doormat.  “Let go and let God” is a great slogan, but only when we understand it properly.  The famous Serenity Prayer says,  “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  True surrender helps us discern more accurately when to let go and when to stand up and be counted. 

Surrendering to God is not about giving up our free will but about using our freedom differently.  Letting go asks us to be not passive but coachable.  A coachable athlete doesn't lose her individuality, talents or skills.  A good coach doesn't take the ball and play the game for her athletes.  In an ideal coach/athlete relationship the coach offers knowledge and inspiration that the athlete incorporates into his performance.  A talented athlete who resists wise coaching is likely to miss his full potential.  We find the freedom in this paradox only by living it.

To try another analogy, surrender is like putting a canoe in the water and allowing the current to carry us. We still steer, we still need to watch out for boulders and navigate through rapids, but we quit trying to paddle upstream and we let the current carry us when it can.

Surrender does not need to be about admitting defeat, but too often we choose to let go only when all else has failed. God honors our intention, even when we approach as a last resort. When we let go, however imperfectly we get there, we make our broken lives accessible to God’s loving hands.

LIKE A BUNCH OF ROCKS

A long time ago a friend suggested an exercise she used when she was having trouble letting go. Her suggestion stayed with me and I have used it countless times over the years.

Call to mind a person or situation that is not as you would like.  Take a minute to really focus on your dilemma - not analyzing it, just focusing your attention.  Now visualize the person(s) or situation(s) as stones.  Take a minute to imagine as many rocks you need to set the stage.

nNext, imagine yourself placing each of your stones on the ground in front of you.  Try to see God's love and light warming and illuminating them. Take a moment to notice if anything looks different.

Now put your hands behind your back.

Most of us flash a knowing smile at the thought of putting our hands behind our backs.  We have a tendency to kid ourselves into thinking we've let go when we haven't, and the image catches us out.  When you truly let go, even for a few seconds, you'll feel a kind of physical release.  You may grab on to the issue again 30 seconds or four days later.  That’s to be expected. The best response is to just let go again. 

And again. 

And again. 

THE LIMITS OF EFFORT

Our capacity to let go is limited by many things: our history, our intention, our body's inherited biochemistry, our brains' response to stress and trauma. During an especially difficult time in my life I felt as though I was trying to let go every few minutes and could see absolutely no improvement in my emotional state or my behavioral capacity. I felt as if I were paddling mightily and staying in exactly the same spot on the stream, the sound of the rapids around the curve pounding in my ears. I believed then, and believe now, that without these strategies I would have been swept further downstream, but I sure wasn't finding much respite even with sustained trying. Spiritual practices are useful tools in the challenging and complex undertaking that is life, but they are only tools.

SO WHAT, THEN?

Like an athlete listening for a coach's voice, we try to hear, pay attention and then behave accordingly. Sometimes we hear a message and decide to ignore it. Sometimes we notice a shift in ourselves or our perspective, and sometimes we don't.  Learning to let go, to allow ourselves to be coached, takes time and practice. As Paul said, we now see only through a glass, darkly. (1 Cor. 13:12) With our practices we are rubbing our sleeves on the glass, clearing a space we can peer through, catching glimpses of the amazing complete picture.

So let's begin.

Photo credit: Crooked River, OR Bureau of Land Mgmt
Anthony, Pexel